Another Sleepless Night: Black Lives Matter Insomnia

I tossed and turned last night.  “Black Lives Matter!” chanting in my head like a hymn on Sunday.  My mind was so busy thinking of new ways to protect and educate my children.  Creative ways to explain the current injustices of my Country.  Pondering how will I adapt to the current climate of a place I call home, but have been displaced from for almost a decade.  I’ve been living overseas and watching my Country from afar.  My vantage point is wider and allows me the opportunity to plug in and out whenever I choose to do so.  I’ve been plugged in via social media a lot and have been bombarded by hashtags.


Hashtags used to signal something new, fresh and trendy in my news feed.  Today, it means that another person of color has been criminalized and murdered.  It means that there are more cops going on leave without pay.  It means another sleepless night for me.  Another night of stalking my black loved ones on Facebook, seeing where they check in, and how recent they have posted something, to make sure they are alive and well–still living and enjoying this so-called freedom.

My vantage point has made me so quiet.  A fire has been burning inside of me for some time now, and I’ve been trying not to feed it.  I’m afraid of fueling it.  There is a desire to feed it all of my anger, sorrow, worry, disappointment and fear.  Sometimes, I look around at my forest of life and see my trees of joy being chopped down, hashtag after hashtag.  My walls of freedom are closing in on me, and my river of excuses disguised as empathy have officially run dry.  I’m now a desert–a beautiful one with camel footprints and oases of hope and love for my fellow humans.

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A New Earth

I remember telling my Husband and Mother when my babies were born that I didn’t want my children to learn to label people by their race.  For what?  Why?  Why would I bother to teach my child to utilize the labels that were only created to keep us apart?  How can I subscribe to such nebulous labeling based on outdated and bias information?  Aren’t I smarter than that?  We are all human right?   We are  all decedents of Lucy right?  Don’t we live in a new world?  A New Earth, like Ekhart Tolle described?  A world where people will not take one look at you and choose to hate you for the way you were born?  Of course, I plan on teaching them their ancestry, but I just refused to take part in race, when I honestly don’t even believe it exists (along with many other social scientists).

I wanted to believe that the group of people who terrorized this world with slavery, torture, rape, brainwashing all in the name of power was no more.  History tells of  how people of color have been massacred in the name of religion, branded like cattle and refused basic human rights because they were considered subhuman.  That was a dark time.  I wanted to believe that today was brighter, and in many ways it is.  However, there is still so much darkness.

Today, black men, women and children are guilty until they are proven guilty.  They are gunned down out of fear, presumptions and hate.  Their lives are disregarded and deaths excused by police sympathizers who turn a blind eye to the fact that the police force has been infiltrated by white supremacists.  I thought that I was living in a time where people of color no longer had to live in fear that those in positions of authority and judicial power would treat us unjust and different just because we aren’t white.

I was wrong.

I first learned I was wrong after my Brother was kidnapped at gunpoint by cops.  Of course, they made up all kinds of lies to defame his character and justify their wrongful doings.  He made it out with his life and has since been living well with tons of success.  He’s an educated, intelligent, resourceful, warrior who comes from a long line of entrepreneurs and fighters who never gave up–so he is doing the same.  That happened before this horrid rash of murders started coming to the media’s surface.  I viewed my brother’s experience as an isolated horrifying act of terror and hate.  I learned that I was wrong–yet again.  The only thing isolated about my Brother’s incident is that he made it out with his life.  I can not say the same for the other “hashtags” out there.

I believe that in my Country, majority of the people are good and want to do good.  Humanity has evolved into more loving, patient and respectful folks.  I also believe that those few haters who have been lurking in the backwoods for several decades do not like this change.  They hate this positive, vibrational shift that is taking place and they are conspiring ways to divide and conquer us–all of us.  I don’t want them to win.

Do you want them to win?  Of course you don’t.  You probably have loved ones who don’t check the same census box and maybe even have multiracial children or grandchildren.  I believe you are a good person–a great person.  A person who wants to be happy, enjoy life and have peace.  To get along, in harmony with your fellow man.  So don’t be afraid.  Don’t be afraid to ask a question, leave a comment, share a thought.  Don’t be silent.

“Without justice, there can be no peace.  He who passively accepts evil is as much involved in it as he who helps to perpetrate it.” ~ Martin Luther King Jr.

Please, don’t be silent.

So this blog has to evolve.  It’s time for me to grow up.  I’m aching to write about things that don’t involve sea moss, kitchen appliances and live enzymes.  Don’t get me wrong, nutrition is my thing, but my sacral chakra is swelling with so many other thoughts I would love to share…


About Jeanette 147 Articles
This is me being me so that you will be you. I'm a woman who smiles till my cheeks ache, crochets until my fingers twitch, hugs the hell out of my Hubby and children and in between these things I make the time to read, cook, write and attempt to inspire others to do something to improve their overall health.

1 Comment

  1. Hey Nette: I believe there are more good cops than bad and more good people in the world than bad. Good people are speaking up but the bad get the media coverage. A change is gonna come eventually!

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