I started this blog with the sole intention of showing that the posterity of Charles and Arlene Settle was not in vain. When my Mother passed away just a few short months after starting it, I felt this need to prove my existence and thought that I could communicate with their energies through it. I didn’t really know what I was doing but I knew what I wanted from it–to grow into the person they believed that I could become. I used this platform for my own personal gain as a tool to keep myself accountable to bettering myself. This was my way of contributing to this world.
If you can’t tell: I am very proud of my bloodline
I saw one of those quote-pic-meme thingamabobs that said “your vibe attracts your tribe.” I learned how true this statement is in the past year from this blog. I started to attract people who heard me speaking (to them) and bumped into people that were on similar frequencies. I reconnected with some old friends who have blossomed into closer, refurbished-friends and have formed bonds with women who accepted me while I was still trying to figure out how to be myself, without my Mother physically present. This blog has caused me to dig deep within myself and helped me to make conscious decisions every day. By doing so, I started aligning with my hearts desires, causing the conveyor belt of the great continuum to produce one blessing after another.
My moon sign is Sagittarius–full of fire and an insane amount of optimism, so much so, that in times where I don’t immediately see the silver lining, I panic. I shutdown, crawl under a rock made of archaic fairy dust, and start devising a plan on how to create a silver lining. This blog was my silver lining to this thing called life. I am still polishing it and finding ways to keep it clean and shiny for all to see.
I also, came across some radical folks who caused me to do a little inventory inward to see where was I going with all of this and what my intentions were.
I learned that social media is an intoxicating dimension full of people who are looking for other souls to build a bond with within the generous confines of their internet provider or free wifi hotspots. I experienced that there are also, some miserable people in this world who are desperate to have others join them in their pain. I learned to have compassion for these trolls who believe they are entitled to tax another human being’s attempt at sharing a piece of their life.
I took a little break from writing and my weekly accountable checks (i.e. blog posts) and chose to face the reality that is my life and find other ways to be happy during it. I found comfort in the arms of my Husband, laughed at the shenanigans of my children and started to eat real food again (still juicing, but have since took up chewing a lot more). I also, found joy in doing something that my Mother did every moment she could–dance. I’m not a professional dancer, but I am a new member of the Zumba tribe and have been filled with the hip-shaking, twerking spirit. I started to really live for myself and appreciate my life, and dance to the beat of my own drum made with a resilient membranophone stretched by my ancestors and strum by my life experiences.
I have grown up these past few months and have learned how to live with the void my Mother’s passing left behind (which is huge). I fell into that big crater of sadness, but while I was sitting there, I built a ladder with the strength I mustered from a mysterious place that I didn’t know existed. I decided to live out the dying commands/wishes of my Ma: “focus on your family Nette and be happy.” That’s it? Focus on my family (husband and children) and just be ‘happy’ she tells me. Forwards so simple, that I couldn’t grasp why the hell they were so hard at times. I am doing it though. I make the decision everyday to be happy. I still get sad (doesn’t everyone), but I also remind myself of the many blessings in my everyday life. I dance, kiss my loved ones and play with my kitchen appliances to make new beauty concoctions and culinary potions (like my green pancakes, elderberry syrup and ash-kicker).
I know where I am going now. I’m going to be who I know am, and not who others believe me to be. I am going to be unapologetically Jeanette.
I’m also going to be an old lady with tattoos.
Playing, not playing.
Feature photo credit: Brown Betty Photography